Friday, September 18, 2009

Cashiers: The Post Office Version

Today I went to the post office to mail out the NWT Hollister hoodie I sold on eBay. I picked out a bubble mailer, wrote out the address, and stood on line to wait for the next available post office person.

Finally it was my turn. I go up to the counter, put my package on the scale and wait patiently. The post office I frequent is slow as molasses and I have learned to just allot more time than I think I will need and keep my mouth shut (I had a run in with an angry postal lady a few months ago, and I'm trying to avoid getting verbally assaulted again).

As I stand there, I notice that the postal lady that is helping me get postage on my package looks like she recently ate a lemon. Not a moment after pondering her lips, the following conversation took place:

Random Post Office Worker: Helen, do you know where that book of heart stamps went?

Helen (i.e. Lemon Lips): Maybe the dogs took it! (Helen giggles and looks at me, pointing to her curled under lips.)

Helen (i.e. Lemon Lips): My dog stole my teeth! He just took them and ran away! (Laughs, hard)

Me: Oh, really? (Trying not to laugh in Helen's face)

Helen (i.e. Lemon Lips) - with glee: Yup, and now my cell phone is missing. I think my other dog stole it! Those dogs are ordering pizza! (Makes hand into a phone and puts it to her ear) Hi, pizza man! This is Rufus! I'd like some pepperoni pizza please!

Me: Oh.... um...

Helen (i.e. Lemon Lips): Here (extends arm towards my face) Rufus wants to know if you want pizza, too.

Me: Oh, not today... just want to pay for my postage.....

Helen (i.e. Lemon Lips): Well, ok then. (Talks to phone hand) Not today, Rufus, just get whatever you want and put it on my credit card. (Pauses) Oh, you have my credit card, too? Great! (Hangs up phone hand. Looks at me) What were we doing?


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tinahead81 said...


Anonymous said...

Your conversations in customer service venues are truly awesome!! And I think postal workers are told to go as slow as possible. I hate when they have conversations with customers!!!


Someone's Mom said...

I'm not sure I would have made it through that without falling to the floor laughing. We have a really nice guy that hands out cookies at Christmas...I'm not sure what is wrong with Helen, but maybe she should retire!


Steph said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Allison said...

what a bizarre lady!!!

Molly Lou Gifts said...

That was so freaking funny. I laughed out loud. I think we could compile customer service type conversations and write a best selling book. I have had some seriously unbelieveable conversations similar to that one. I am assuming you finally got out of there. :)

Molly said...

Hilarious! Why do they pay that woman?!?

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